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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

uprooted

What a weekend!  The last several days I have been very sad and missing family and friends.  We're getting more settled here and today's our first day of school, so with that means new routines.  I guess it hit me that these routines don't include the people and places that our old routines included.  It also hit me that the ministries and "outlets" that I was involved in on a weekly basis there are no longer a part of what I do or who I am.  I was feeling sad and disconnected.  

 
Joe and I were looking online a couple of weeks ago for a "NOR * CAL" decal for our car, knowing that soon the unfortunate day will come when we have to trade in our California license plates for Minnesota ones.  We decided to get a norcal sticker so there's still a representation of where we're from.  While on the website I saw this "uprooted" t-shirt and Joe said I could order it.  It came last Friday, when I was in the midst of heartache.  The lovely poppies and their long, scraggly roots.  I felt uprooted, yanked up from my homeland, torn away from people who know and understand and love me.  I didn't want to tell Joe much about my sorrow because I didn't want him to feel bad.  I wasn't blaming him or anything... just very sad.

On Saturday Joe's mom called to let us know she just found out that a friend Joe grew up with in church had recently started a church just 10 miles from where we live now.  She didn't have any other information but we looked it up online and found where it meets and the time of the service, and decided to go.  So Sunday morning, I was full of emotion as we drove to this new place of worship.  It's just hard finding a new church.  Especially when you're so sad to have left your old one.  But we drove up to this beautiful log building on a golf course where the church meets and followed the signs to where the kids would go.  The children's staff was very nice and welcoming, and Brooklyn and Zeke quickly made their way toward the kids church area.  Mercy, on the other hand, was holding me tightly, saying, "I don't want to go to my class!"  We took her over to some very kind ladies in the nursery, and one of them reached her arms out and said, "Can I hold you?"  Mercy nodded and went to her, snuggling in to rest her head on her shoulder.  I was almost in  tears myself leaving her, and then Joe and I (with Judah) made our way into the service.

We walked in and in the back of the room there was a coffee shop!  I lost it!  I couldn't keep the tears in anymore.  I cried through most of the songs and the rest of the service.  But it was good.  God was there, and He was reminding me I was in His presence and that's the bet place to be.  The last song we sang at the end was "Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house, better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere..."  And I realized that if I'm really honest, I'd much rather be in His presence here than in Vallejo without Him.  And then the pastor read from Psalm 84:
"How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!  My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.  Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young-- a place near Your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.  Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they are ever praising You."

Later that afternoon, Brooklyn got out an old jar that was chipped and asked if she could have it to put dirt in and then pick flowers to put inside.  I told her that the flowers would die if she did that.  I said they have to be uprooted so they can grow.  As I said the words, I caught myself and remembered the t-shirt.  Uprooted.  I was doing just fine where we were, growing, even flourishing.  But God had plans to move us to another garden.  I'm so thankful He didn't just let me be plucked up, snapped from the stem.  Because of His love, I was uprooted so that I can continue to grow.  His ways are higher than my ways, that's for sure.  But I trust Him completely and I'm glad He cares enough to pull me out from the roots.

6 comments:

eternity driven said...

That is beautiful. I love the illustration, Jen. What a great perspective to have....it's better to be in his presence there than without him in Vallejo. He is so loving and strong. He will carry you through these hard days. I love you so much!

Stacey said...

Just a reminder that your Minnesota Family are thrilled that you are here and we are looking forward to getting to see you guys often.

mom4god said...

Thank you so much for these words. I needed to hear them tonight. We too just moved and adjusting to all the "newness" can get exhausting. We also just started a new church. I feel like someone out there trully knows how it feels! Thanks again for your transparency!

Angel Larsen said...

Thanks for sharing your heart! I know how that feels!

I will be praying for you this week!

sj said...

xo.

my5lilgoobs said...

I enjoyed reading this, and hearing from your heart. I'm so glad God showed you that He cares about the even the smallest details, like that coffee shop. :)
Loved the 'uprooted' and how He revealed Himself to you in that illustration! May you find comfort in the formation of new roots that begin to grow where you have been 'planted'! Hugs!!
(oh...this is melinda)